You know what it’s like…
You’re out there working hard, passionate about who you are and what you’re doing, and up pops a “hater” – a negative naysayer who puts you down and loves to shower you with their unhelpful opinions.
Well, I’ve got good news and bad news…
The bad news is that haters are inevitable, unavoidable, and simply a fact of life.
Luckily, the good news is that I’ve got a potent strategy for dealing with haters (…and believe me, I’ve had a few).
Before we get into that, though, first let me lay out my philosophy regarding where “hate” comes from.
I believe the words a person uses are the window to their soul.
I can tell a lot about how a person is wired, their psychology, even their physiology, based on the words they use.
Whether you agree or not, let’s start with the assumption that beliefs, thoughts, words, and actions are directly related.
From my perspective, beliefs are where it all begins, because…
Our beliefs drive our thoughts
If you believe making money is hard, that will affect your thoughts about doing something to make money.
If you’ve got a new ad campaign your thoughts might include…
“I hope this works.”
“Ugh, this is going to be difficult.”
Those thoughts rise up out of your beliefs.
If you believe that getting and staying fit and healthy is hard, you might think…
“It’s not worth going to the gym, so I’m just going to put it off.”
And, what’s interesting is…
Our thoughts drive our words
If you think something’s hard, then you’re going to use words like…
“This just isn’t for me.”
On the other hand, if you believe anything is possible, you’ll think…
“Hey, I can do this.”
And you’ll say things like…
“No worries, I’ve got this.”
If our beliefs cause our thoughts, and our thoughts create our words, then it goes without saying that words really do have power.
It goes like this: our words drive our actions, actions create results, and results reinforce beliefs.
And there you go – it’s one big circle.
I like to call it…
The Cycle of Performance
Here’s a visual to help illustrate…
To dive in, let’s talk about the power of words.
When you react emotionally to words, you either surrender or claim power.
There are certain words that “trigger” people.
When people get triggered, they allow themselves to react in inappropriate and sometimes even comical ways.
Here’s the point…
If we allow ourselves to get triggered by what people say or the way they say it, then we’ve surrendered our power.
It’s like walking around with one hand tied behind your back.
Now let’s talk about the word “hate.”
That word carries a tremendous emotional charge.
So I suggest you be very careful when you assign the term “hater” to someone who disagrees with you.
Typically, when we describe somebody as a “hater,” the only thing going on is that they DISAGREE with something we think, do, believe, or say.
So you need to ask yourself what it means when somebody disagrees with you, instead of getting worked up about it.
Personally, I believe having “haters” is a great thing
If people disagree with you, you should be happy.
Pat yourself on the back.
The primary reason “haters” show up is they’re insecure.
There’s something about themselves they don’t like seeing in you.
Maybe it’s your hustle, your grind, or your grit.
Maybe you moved past your excuses and into action.
Typically “haters” live in a place of can't and excuses.
They live in a place of fear, worry, and doubt.
They live in a place of limited possibilities.
When they see you doing your thing, charging forth with your vision, your business, your mission, and acting on your values…that can be very frightening for them.
Of course, they’re going to lash out.
So one of the best ways to deal with “haters” is to ignore them.
The other ways to deal with them is to appreciate them.
The fact is, if you’ve got haters, it means you’re doing something RIGHT.
You’re doing something that has triggered somebody somewhere – and that person may or may not need your message.
But other people DO need your message.
If you’re pleasing everybody, you have a problem
Somebody once said…
“If you’re pleasing everybody, you’re lying to somebody.”
Let that sink in.
If you’re on your mission, if you’re kicking ass, if you are completely invested in what you’re doing, in your vision…then guess what?
You are going to ruffle feathers.
Darren Hardy, the former editor of Success Magazine, puts it even more bluntly…
“Piss more people off.”
I think you should piss people off. I’ve done it!
I believe in my values, my vision, my mission, and my purpose…and that is to help people actually get RESULTS, as opposed to keeping them stuck.
If you believe in what you do, you are going to get haters
Most people will never even admit to the possibility of being a hater.
So, let me ask you directly…
Are you a hater?
Do you find yourself reacting negatively towards others?
Let me give you a real quick strategy to get past that.
When somebody thinks, says, or acts differently than you do, I want you to embrace it.
Let it give you your power back.
Because people who have different view points make you step outside of your comfort zone.
People with different views help you to see you might not have it all figured out.
And they can also keep you out of your ego, where you think you’re right all the time.
That’s a good thing!
Does embracing their point of view mean that you have to agree with them, buy into their philosophy, or follow their dogma?
No! Of course not.
But you can use the disagreement as a prompt to ask…
“Do they have a point?”
Maybe they can teach you something
If they’re calling you out on something, maybe it’s an example of the “emperor’s new clothes” syndrome.
You’ve heard the story about the emperor’s new clothes?
It goes like this…one day the emperor’s staff flattered him, saying…
“Ooh, we’re dressing you in the most beautiful garments and you’re going to look awesome!”
Now, he couldn’t actually see these clothes, but he didn’t want to look like a fool.
His ego was too big.
So, saying to himself, “Yeah, I must look pretty awesome,” he walked out to greet his staff.
Even though everyone could see clearly that he was NAKED, nobody wanted to be the person who questioned the emperor.
He was surrounded by “yes-people.”
And when he walked out into the public square…completely naked…a little kid pointed and laughed at him – and then the whole village joined in.
This child basically told the emperor what the emperor didn’t want to hear, because he didn’t know any better.
Point being that as a leader or entrepreneur, you don’t want to be the emperor.
You need to hear the truth!
And sometimes it comes from the strangest places.
That’s why I’m telling you it is okay to hear from the “haters.”
But, if you allow their hate, disdain, or disagreement to bring you down, make you surrender your power, and question your mission, that’s when damage is done.
You don’t want to surround yourself with yes-people.
And you don’t want to allow yourself to be wrapped up in the drama of negativity.
So, how do you walk that line?
Rather than choosing to go down the “hater” path, simply say…
“Nah, it’s not my cup of tea.”
At the end of the day, when somebody tells you “no,” or to “go to hell,” or that you’re crazy, ridiculous, or wrong, or that it’s never going to work…
It’s not you. It’s them.
They’re not rejecting you
They’re rejecting the idea.
Sometimes people are confused or they need more information.
Maybe you just need to do a better job of communicating with or educating them.
The point is you probably don’t have actual “haters” in the world.
But if some people tell you how crappy you are, how screwed up you are, how you are going down the path to ruin…
Pat yourself on the back!
Give yourself some credit for being that person who finally stands for something other people think is crazy, ludicrous, scary, or ridiculous.
Chances are you’re walking a powerful path and taking other people to greatness with you.
If people hate on you remember this…
“You are not their cup of tea.”
That will help you stay not only positive, but powerful.
You’ll be able to see the value in – and learn from – everything around you, even the people who disagree with you.
If you ever find yourself acting like a “hater,” ask yourself…
“Do I really want to go down this path? Or do I just disagree with the philosophy?”
That’s simply part and parcel of being a human being with critical thinking skills.
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Cheers to your success!
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Online Business and Mindset Transformation Coach.
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